Here I am at 33 weeks pregnant. My latest goal is to make it to 34 weeks, which seems to be a safe time for delivery and when the vast majority of delivered babies “seem to do just fine with no long-term health issues.” The reality is still sinking in, as I feel her whole body shift and roll around inside me and I see her tiny limbs poke outside of my belly. I knew I would feel kicks, but had no idea that the movement would be this strong! I am so amazed at this little creature and am so curious about what she will look like and what kind of person she will be.
Overall I feel great. Aside from a little anemia, swollen feet and uncomfortable sleep, the pregnancy has been pretty wonderful. (I must have already blocked out all of the nausea in my 1st trimester!) Since my weight was so f-ed up from IVF I don’t know for sure how much I have gained, but I guess I am about 30 pounds above my normal weight. I am using the excuse of undiagnosed anemia and RECORD BREAKING heat for my lack of exercise. It’s hard enough to make it up a flight of stairs with a laundry basket let alone survive a 2-3 mile walk in 90 degree heat. My face and ass have not blown up thank goodness, but my ankles have disappeared! I wear flip-flops to work every day and I cannot stuff these swollen size 10’s in any of my cute heels OR flats.
We just accepted an offer on our house and I am trying to keep the stress level to a minimum. I still need to schedule the delivery of the nursery furniture, line up day care and find a pediatrician but cannot do this until we get this damn P&S contract signed. We are buying my MIL’s house and she still has not found a new place. Once again, I am taking deep breaths and trying not to get stressed out about the prospect of living with the MIL AND all of her stuff for a while. I decided that all I need is an organized and peaceful space for baby. Our stuff can be sorted out later.
After much indecisiveness, we decided to take the one day child-birth class. I had heard conflicting opinions about these classes but figured that we might as well go since we are pretty clueless first time parents. I am really glad we went because our teacher was amazing and I left with a great sense of confidence and excitement. She wasn’t biased towards “natural” delivery , was very informative about the labor process and also had a good sense of humor. My eyes welled up as she described the delivery and the moment when they put your baby on your chest. I still cant believe this is all really happening.
I can feel myself changing. My existence of daughter, wife and sister is already shifting to a much bigger role: mother. I can also see the shift in my husband as he drives 30 minutes after work to our new house to strip wall paper, paint and prepare a room for his daughter. I washed my first load of baby clothes in Dreft and carefully folded each little item while picturing her in each one. Already, we just want to protect this little baby and keep her clean, safe and warm.
Even as we approach and reach all of these milestones and go through the motions of preparation, it is all still so surreal. I wake up every morning a little surprised at this belly and in disbelief that I have been given this gift. It feels like I am dreaming or living someone else’s life. The ride is still a scary one though, and I realize that it has only just begun.