Warning: This post contains whining from a pregnant person. Be prepared to be annoyed.
My third beta results yesterday were great at 3100! My progesterone level was also high enough that told me I could stop using the suppositories. Hooray! Those suppositories are a real drag. I opted to take them 3 times a day over the injections since I am such a needle wimp…..but they were pretty gross. God forbid I walked around my house in the morning getting ready for work in just a robe (sans undies), because I would end up leaking drops of melted suppository all over the house! So gross I know. My husband even asked me what those white spots were on the kitchen floor…and I told him I didn’t know! Haha. I haven’t been the biggest sex pot in the world lately so I didn’t think I needed to make it worse by telling him I was leaking white junk all over the place out of my hoohaa.
So I haven’t been blogging much lately because I don’t really have much to say. I think I am having a bit of an identity crisis. It is a strange feeling going from the deep dark depths of IF to all of a sudden being pregnant. It is not as easy as I had imagined. First of all, I am still not over the devastation of learning that out of 20 eggs, only one embryo was barely viable. Pregnant or not, that is really fucking bad.Whether or not this pregnancy sticks, that heartbreak will last with me forever. And now I fear that any future IVF attempt will be equally questionable. A week and a half ago I was in a very sad, dark place. Now I cannot simply turn around and be a gleeful pregnant lady. As much I would love to become a blissful prego beaming with pride, I still feel like the same worried, anxious, cautious person I have been for a year and a half.
But obviously, I AM happy. I am the happiest I have ever been about anything in my life. THIS is what I have been waiting for. This means more than anything. This would be a miracle. This IS and WILL be the greatest blessing I could imagine.
But….I cant totally let myself go to that happy place yet because if something were to go wrong, the fall would be even harder.
My “OB ultrasound” is on Feb 15th which will be at the 7 week mark. If all goes well they release me to the OB-GYN. (!!?) By then, I promise, I will allow myself to be more excited.