Beta #1

My beta results were pretty good at 194. Hooray! At least I know it wasn’t a chemical pregnancy. So now I can admit that I am pregnant, even though it sounds ridiculously absurd. It sounds as absurd as me saying “I am an acrobat” or “I speak Swahili”. Other people get pregnant, not me. I just get BFN after BFN and buy presents for other people’s babies. Who knew that my body was even capable of this. I still don’t believe it. When I got the call today, it was honestly like any other results call (except a BFN call of course). The nurse congratulated me, told me my number and told me to come back Thursday for Beta #2. I asked her if my pregnancy is at any higher risk because of the intial low cell number of the embryo and she said no. She said it should have caught up by now. Phew! I was worried he would always be a little behind the 8 ball but I guess not. I hung up and went back to work. Weird, huh? I would have pictured myself being hysterical at this point. I did cry this morning, but since then I’ve been very calm. I just feel like I am not out of the woods yet. It is so early and so much can happen. All I know is disapointment and heartbreak so it is really difficult to absorb these results and the reality of it all. I want to ask God, why now? Why have you been withholding this from me for so long and now suddenly allow me to have it? It’s too good to be true. Is there a catch? It’s just a lot to take in.
OK, so I did leave work a little early. I just wasn’t focusing and needed to make a few calls. Only a few close friends know since they knew about the IVF, but we are really going to try not to tell our families for at least 8 weeks. (IF it sticks of course)
I canceled my WTF appt with the RE on Thursday. I was so sure that this wasn’t going to work that I made sure to book an appt right after the results. Canceling that appt was a good feeling. I really hope I dont have to reschedule it.
How do I feel right now? I have lots of twinges and some random cramping in my belly and engorged boobs. Other than that I feel pretty normal. If I wasn’t TTC I would be expecting AF any minute now. So for all of you ladies on your 2ww-dont bother analyzing your symptoms! It will only drive you nuts. I know, I’ve done it a million times.