Disbelief

First, I would just like to thank everyone who left me such comforting and heartfelt comments about my awful ET experience. I truly appreciate and cherish your thoughts and prayers.  Thank you.

Unfortunately, the news only gets worse. I got the letter in the mail yesterday saying that they were unable to save any other embryos to freeze. I am beyond devastated and was inconsolable last night after reading that. Not only am I shocked at the results–only ONE out of 20 eggs was (barely)viable!?!? But I am also stunned, disappointed and angry at my R.E. Clinic for how they deal with things.

First of all, I didn’t know anything about how many eggs were mature, how many fertilized, etc until I was sitting there in the procedure room surrounded by the “ET Team”, naked from the waist down and all doped up on Valium. They could have easily come out to see me beforehand to explain how they were progressing and what the fuck it all meant. Instead, I felt rushed, overwhelmed, confused and totally pressured into transferring only ONE, when I’m sure they were not exactly placing bets on the other two making it to freeze. I knew IVF would be difficult and emotional, but never would I have imagined that I would be robbed the chance of giving at least one of my last 2 embies the chance to grow into a baby. I just don’t understand it. It seems that my clinic is especially conservative about the number of embryos transferred and even boasts on their website that they have “one of the highest rates of single-embryo transfers”. Well good for fucking you. My last two embryos are gone and  for all we know, they may have been my only chance at a baby.

I also have a problem with the fact that I was told nothing by the nurse yesterday morning when I made the WTF call. She knew I had zero embryos left but could only tell me that she’d leave a message for the R.E. who’d call me back on Monday.

I am seriously considering changing doctors.

So now, I just wait and hold out hope for the little embryo inside me. That would be my miracle. My greatest life’s blessing. If this works, I wouldn’t need much more in life. This is all I want. Please God, make this work.

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9 responses to “Disbelief

  1. Oh, I am so sorry that this has all happened like this. I am surprised they didn’t give you a fertilization report before the transfer and keep you more updated on how your embies were doing. I will be praying that God is allowing the one they transferred to thrive and grow within you! He’s in the business of miracles 🙂

  2. rainingblossoms

    I am so sorry. It is unforgivable how they treated you. I hope you find yourself a better doctor. Meanwhile, don’t give up on the little one who is already with you. I wish you the best!

  3. oh julie, i’m so so sorry. A LETTER?! WTF? seriously? that’s how you found out? they didn’t have the decency to call you? grrrr.

    i know it’s hard, but try to remain hopeful for the embie inside of you. if you need to vent, we’re all here to listen. (((HUGS!!!)))

  4. Jeez, if they had time to mail out a letter, you’d think they’d have time to pick up the phone and give you a heads up so the news wouldn’t be a shock AT the transfer, AND you’d have time to decide what YOU want to do vs. what THEY think you should do.

    Something doesn’t smell right here.

    Regardless of how you got here, don’t give up hope for your one.

  5. I’m so sorry to hear your news. I can’t believe you didn’t even get a fertilization report. I agree with the prior post. Something seems a little fishy here. And I also agree when she said not to give up hope. PUPO. KMFX for you!

  6. UGH! UGH! UGH! I’m so angry on your behalf. There is just no excuse for what happened to you. You should have been told on day 1 how many mature eggs you had and how many fertilized and you should have been told the status of them on day 3 before the transfer. I’m so angry that they hit you with all of that while you were naked on the table. WTF is right. I would seriously consider getting a second opinion if this cycle isn’t successful. Maybe with a clinic that uses an individualized approach. We did our cycle at SIRM and were very pleased with how they operate. They tailored a protocol that was specific to my “issues” and I only ever saw my own doctor. He even did all of the ultrasounds. This made a big difference in the continuity of my care.

    Despite all that transpired, don’t give up hope. It really does only take one. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

  7. wtf?!
    i don’t understand this. how much can a person take?

  8. I agree with all the pp’s – that makes me so mad for you!!! I am so sorry your cycle went like that, and I would be so upset for my lost embryos that weren’t very well accounted for. I am still hopeful for the one embryo inside of you and praying that one is your miracle. (((hugs)))

  9. We had an almost exact experience with not being able to freeze. To go one step further, we had a surrogate on deck just in case our IVF failed and if we had frozens. Turns out that the IVF (3rd) did fail and we had nothing to freeze. And this was out of 15+ eggs etc…Talk about getting kicked in the stomach and then in the teeth!
    Consider us virtually holding hands with you through your processes! Much love, ITNB.

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