Well here I am at Day 6. I’m still surprised at how well I’ve been coping and wonder when things will make a turn for the worse. When will I break down in tears? When will I finally crack at the pressure and fall apart? At the egg retrieval? Or when they call me at work to tell me how my embryos are doing. It may be when my husband shoots me in the ass with the enormous needle they gave me for the Novarel trigger shot. I never thought I would miss the nice little old Ovidril needle.
Here are today’s numeros–
Estradiol–whopping 1066!! LH, 2.08.
Left Ovary- 13mm, 12.5, 12, 11, 2 at 10.5. Right Ovary-14mm, 13.5, 13, 12, 10
Thankfully I am responding so well to the stims that they decreased my dosage again to 75! I am so relieved because now I know that I will be able to survive the side effects. Hell, I may even go out on Saturday night. Tomorrow I go back again for another check. My poor arms are starting to bruise from all of these blood draws!
These 2 nightly injections are annoying but I am getting used to them. I feel like I am so entrenched in this process, that I cant imagine what the next step will be like. I know I can do this. The needles, the 7:00 am ultrasounds&blood draws and waiting for my instruction calls from the RE nurse. I am a professional at this, but honestly do now know how I will handle a failed IVF cycle. There is too much to lose. All of my cards are on the table and the stakes are high. I went from playing the slot machine to throwing a million dollars down at a poker table. If I lose, I lose big. I dont want to be a debbie downer right now but I have to think about this reality to prepare myself.
We just booked a trip to the Carribean in March to visit my sister who lives there. She just sent me a picture of a cocktail saying “This is what we’ll be doing in 8 weeks!!” (I obviously haven’t told her about the IVF next week). I pretended to go along with it but really all I can hope is that I wont be able to drink. And if I can, it means that this would have failed. It is too hard to fathom.