The Year of Good Fortune

I have decided that 2010 will be my year of good fortune. 2009 was a year of struggle, frustration and disappointment. Im so glad it’s over.

While I feel that my life is generally filled with good fortunes, 2009 did not bring me anything but crap. I realized this last night at a pre-holiday dinner as my family played a game called “Peppermint Pig.” Each person takes the candy pig, tells a story of good fortune from the past year and then hits the pig with hammer to break pieces off (there is more background to this game but I honestly wasnt paying attention to it). As the pig went around the table I became more and more nervous because I could not think of one damn story of good fortune this year. My cousin, aunt, uncle, etc. all had plenty to say since my cousin just had a baby last month. As I went through each month of 2009, all I could think of was heartache, tears, a bunch of fucking bullshit, crap and more bullshit. Finally, at my turn I emotionally said that my good fortune was that my Dad survived a horrible motorcycle accident in August. This was my one my true blessing this year. I do have one.

I will choose to believe that next Christmas, as the pig makes its way around to me, I will have lots to say. I will be overflowing with joy and gratefulness. I will be holding that pig, looking at my husband with tears in my eyes not knowing where to start. This will be my best year yet.

While I look forward to the outcome, I do step timidly to this next step of IVF. My mind has mostly been consumed with work and the holidays over these past few weeks and I think that I have been somewhat in denial about the process I am about to embark on. My box of IVF medications has been stuffed in a closet and I haven’t even spent much time looking at it or reading through it. I need to face it now because my blood draw is in two days and Lupron will start immediately after that.

I feel like I am getting on a roller coaster. I’m locked in and it’s starting to roll down the track. Im the most scared and excited as I’ve ever been…


4 responses to “The Year of Good Fortune

  1. I like your new found optimism and hope for 2010!!! I really believe that 2010 is going to be a great year for those of us who struggled through 2009.

    I can’t wait for your turn with the Pig next year!!! Maybe your baby will be sitting next to you or on your lap as you give thanks! You can just hold the baby up and say “See – here is my blessing” every time it’s your turn!

  2. What a great attitude for 2010.

  3. I also think that 2010 will hold great things for us!! Love your optimism!!

  4. I can imagine how difficult that moment at the party was! I love how you have turned it into HOPE for the year ahead. I am hoping with you!

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