Nothing to Bring to the Table

I have been M.I.A because I have “blogger-block”. If I was a real “writer” I would have writers block, but since I am a mere “blogger” I will call it blogger-block. Nothing to bring to the table. Somehow I got out of taking the pill in preparation for IVF so I am acting like a medication-free normal person until Lupron starts on the 22nd.

I have been doing a lot of Christmas shopping, visiting friends and even got schnickered at a Xmas party on Saturday night. I went to see two new babies of close friends and didnt feel sorry for myself at all. Work has been ridiculously busy which is also a great distraction.

My 13 year old dog has also been sick so hubby and I are spending time taking care of him and wondering if we will soon be faced with the dreaded decision. It is good to at least spend my emotional energy on someone other than myself.

There are so many things that I am unsure of right now. I dont know whether to be excited for this next step or to dread it. I cant tell if I am really strong right now, or if I am just numb. I dont know if I have truly accepted the journey I am about to embark on, or if I am in denial. I dont know if it is right to truly believe that this will happen for me or if that is just being naive and overly optimistic. I dont know what my life would be like if this does not work, but it is also hard to actually picture the reality that it will.

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4 responses to “Nothing to Bring to the Table

  1. Well you wouldn’t be doing IVF if you didn’t half think it would work, right? I am biased towards being optimistic, so I understand the worry that it won’t work like you hoped…even though you are so sure it WILL! I’m so sorry about your dog being sick.. I know he’s glad to have you and your hubby taking care of him! Enjoy being busy- it is nice to have so much joy in getting ready for Christmas!!

  2. Your last paragraph really strikes a chord for me! As ready as I think I am to move on to IVF for the chance it offers, I’m scared to death, too, for many reasons.

    Thinking of you…and your pup!

  3. I just wanted you to know that I was very indifferent before I started my IVF journey as well. I couldn’t decide if it was sheer bitterness towards the process or if I was just trying to protect myself from failure.
    For me, the “eh” attitude helped me maintain a level of sanity that I don’t think I would have been able to deal with if I was all hyped up on the probability of success.
    Wishing you lots of luck.

  4. we’re almost on the exact same schedule! i’ll begin lupron on 12/26 and i also somehow managed to avoid BCPs.

    it’s okay to be somewhere in between regarding your feelings about IVF. it’s safe, and if we’ve learned anything through all of this it’s to protect ourselves. if only we could fast forward. 🙂

    i was angry at first about IVF and asking a lot of “why me’s” but as time passed, i began to become more comfortable with our decision. i’m actually really excited about it now. even though i know it’s not a guarantee, i feel like we’re closer than we’ve ever been to a BFP.

    hoping you don’t have to make any decisions about your doggy anytime soon. hugs!

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