I have been M.I.A because I have “blogger-block”. If I was a real “writer” I would have writers block, but since I am a mere “blogger” I will call it blogger-block. Nothing to bring to the table. Somehow I got out of taking the pill in preparation for IVF so I am acting like a medication-free normal person until Lupron starts on the 22nd.
I have been doing a lot of Christmas shopping, visiting friends and even got schnickered at a Xmas party on Saturday night. I went to see two new babies of close friends and didnt feel sorry for myself at all. Work has been ridiculously busy which is also a great distraction.
My 13 year old dog has also been sick so hubby and I are spending time taking care of him and wondering if we will soon be faced with the dreaded decision. It is good to at least spend my emotional energy on someone other than myself.
There are so many things that I am unsure of right now. I dont know whether to be excited for this next step or to dread it. I cant tell if I am really strong right now, or if I am just numb. I dont know if I have truly accepted the journey I am about to embark on, or if I am in denial. I dont know if it is right to truly believe that this will happen for me or if that is just being naive and overly optimistic. I dont know what my life would be like if this does not work, but it is also hard to actually picture the reality that it will.