Tomorrow I leave to go away for the weekend to attend one of my best friends’ baby shower. This is the same friend I mention in a recent post, who hasn’t been the greatest support in my IF struggle. She got pregnant while planning her wedding this year and was really upset about it. She cried for the inconvenient timing and I cried too, but for myself. She rescheduled the wedding in June and was able to plan it just before she started to show. I haven’t seen her since the wedding, partly because I’ve been avoiding her. She is deeply entrenched in her pregnant world and cannot seem to realize or understand my current state of devastation and heartache. In fact, I know she’s disappointed that I dont call her enough–but doesnt get that I am in a state of depression and may not want to hear her gush and gush and gush about how amazing her pregnancy is, all the different food she is craving, how great it is feeling her baby move and how sad she will be when she delivers because she wont get to feel the baby inside her anymore. I know I sound uncaring to HER joyous experience, but oh well. I guess we’re just not going to see eye to eye right now. I do love my friend and I know she loves me dearly. She just doesnt get it. And I accept that not everyone will get it, or will always know what to say. Maybe someday when Im pregnant I will feel guilty for not making a bigger deal out of her pregnancy. Maybe not. I AM going to her baby shower and bought her a beautiful gift. I will sit through the shower and ooh and aah. I’ll do this because I do care for her and for her happiness. I’ll help her open the little clothes, socks, bottles, blankets, bjorns, lotions and bouncy seats. I’ll help her carry the gifts to her house and will compliment her nursery colors. I’ll suck it up. Because this is my life and I have to keep living it. As much as it sucks.
My TimelineJuly 2008- Starting actively TTC or as we called it.."pulled the "goalie". So dangerous and fun!
November 2008- Went to Urologist for semen analysis (due to pre-existing condition). Perfect results. Millions of strong swimmers!
January 2009-First visit to RE. Mostly for my evaluation.
Feb-March 2009-Tests all clear except for polyps.
July-IUI #1. Clomid 50mg. BFN.
August-IUI #2. Clomid. 50mg. BFN
September-IUI#3 Injectables. BFN
October 2009-Natural Cycle. BFN
November- 2009..IUI#4 Injectables. BFN
January 2010..IVF. 20 eggs. Transferred the lone survivor, grade A 4 cell embryo.... BFP!!!
October 2010- Baby Lily Arrives!
December 2011: IVF #2. 16 eggs. Single 8 cell, Grade A Embryo transferred. BFN
February 2012: FET. 2 Embryos transferred. One 8b and one 4b. BFP! 2nd Beta:462!
March 2012: Miscarriage at 5 weeks
April/May 2012: IVF#3. 16 eggs. Transferred 2 4 cell embryos. BFP!!!
Stuff from Before