I just bought two huge pots of red mums this morning for my front porch. I was tempted to buy the biggest pots they had, but realized that they wouldnt have fit on my front steps. Just below that pic is my 13-year-old dog, Timber. He’s a big, beautiful hair ball of unconditional love. There are no real stories or reasons behind posting the pictures, other than that I just wanted to share a little piece of my life–today. (Sorry, no pictures of my messy house or of my terrible outfit & hairdo). Just a snapshot of what and who I am looking at and thinking about this minute. I just found myself watching Timber as he slept and snored and realized how fleeting time is and how I should stop rushing it away. A few months from now things could be totally different. I could be pregnant, we could be in a new home and Timber could be gone. Really, anything could happen that could turn my whole world upside down to a point where this snapshot of me here on this Sunday morning, enjoying my mums and coffee with my dog, would seem light years away.
I guess i just have to remind myself to experience life a little bit more during IF treatments. While it’s so easy to be consumed by the “cycle” calendar, and to wish that I had a time machine to skip the 2ww, or the month off of treatments–I also have to remember that I’ll never get this time back. I dont want to end up looking back on my early thirties years from now and only see a blur, a blacked out period of struggle and despair that really “didnt count”.
Because so much of this struggle is about “moving forward” and “looking ahead”, it’s too easy to forget the present. I know that looking ahead is necessary to cope, but I guess I just have to make sure that I take the blinders off and look around every once in a while. IF sucks royally, but life is good and life is short. I don’t want to waste any of it.