Fall is here. The pumpkins are on doorsteps, the kids are waiting at their bus stops in the morning as I drive to work, the leaves are falling and it is way too chilly for flip flops. I still have all my summer clothes out from our labor day beach weekend–I guess i haven’t officially accepted that summer is over.
The beauty of a new season is that it symbolizes a new beginning. A new season opens a new chapter ..new hope and opportunity for change. It’s a time to start over. Get a new wardrobe of comfy sweaters, boots and cozy socks, go back to school or work, redecorate the house and get your butt back to the gym. You can finally look forward to what’s next and leave the last season behind.
But at the same time, it is also a reminder of the time that has gone by and a time to reflect. It’s fall again..already? Im another year older. I feel very nostalgic thinking about all of the falls from the past. Just the smell in the air brings back so many memories of being a little girl.. and also of college days–being back at school for the start of a new year . Then there are memories of my 20’s that seem like they just happened yesterday. Being in my best friend’s beautiful fall wedding 4 years ago, going for long brisk walks with my dog who is now too old to make it up the stairs, getting dressed up in silly costumes for alcohol soaked halloween parties and taking day trips with my husband (then boyfriend) to New Hampshire or Maine to soak in all the fall colors .The start of this fall is reminding me of how fast time has gone by, and I wonder how I have changed. Certainly one is wiser in their 30’s than in their 20’s. While I certainly live a much healthier lifestyle now (much less frequent alcohol, cigarette and sun exposure) I am still lousy at keeping my house clean and still dont really understand the stock market. I do know that I appreciate my friends and family more now and am thankful each day for all the blessings in my life.
Mostly, this Fall 2009, I am reminded of a year of enthusiastic trying gone bust. Four whole seasons have come and gone and we are still at the starting line waiting for the buzzer. I just hope that I am better now than before. If there is one small measly crumb of positive in this garbage situation, I want it to be that this year, when this finally happens (and it will!) we will be better parents(to-be) than last year. We’ll be stronger, more focused , aware and more prepared. Last year I would have cared if my ass doubled in size, but this year I say, bring it on. Last year we probably wouldn’t have realized just how lucky we were, what a miracle conception is and how many things have to be “just right” for a pregnancy to be successful. Last year I might have fretted over the nursery not being decorated or that my days of eight hour slumbers were over. This year we’re not going to sweat the small stuff. With this new season ,Im looking forward to new beginnings… and being better in every way.