I went in for my 3rd IUI this morning. It felt almost routine as I signed in, grabbed a coffee and selected my magazines of choice to read after the procedure during the 15 minute rest period. Next to the couples in the waiting room who were obviously new, I felt like a regular.. a real pro. It’s so easy to spot the newbies with their nervous, embarrassed and eager looks. I remember feeling the same way- so excited to be taking this big step and embarking on a new journey. It felt almost scandalous in a way, especially because I went in before the obligatory “year” mark.(Once again, growing up in Catholic schools where they don’t even believe in birth control can definitely make one feel wild and sinful seeking reproductive science after trying for only 8 months.) At that point I was concerned that there was something wrong and wanted to at least be evaluated. It was almost good news hearing that I had polyps. Aha! We found the problem so let’s fix it! I was sure that after they were removed it would be smooth sailing. Well here I am polyp free 6 months later and past the year mark. I guess I’ve officially earned my infertility VIP badge.
I stayed home from work today since I have a have a head cold and also because I wanted to rest after the procedure. I had gone back into work after the past two, acting like it was any other day. “Sorry Boss, Im just running a little late this morning. Im totally focused on this project and dont have anything else on my mind! Just a ho-hum day. I definitely didnt have a catheter inserted into my uterus an hour ago, injecting 90 million of my husbands “washed” sperm inside to hopefully fertilize one of the 3 hormone stimulated eggs that could be hanging out in there. And I definitely could not possibly be pregnant with triplets either. Nope not me, Im just having a regular Wednesday, ready to work work work. Oh, this Tylenol Ive been popping? It’s just from a slight headache, probably from looking at the computer screen too long. Has nothing to do with an insemination procedure I just had in hopes that I will soon be knocked up”
So no, I didnt feel like doing that today. I do know that the mind controls the body somewhat. If you are feeling crappy mentally, chances are you are feeling crappy physically too. So today Im just going to think happy, fertile thoughts. Im going lie on my comfy couch under my warm blanket and hope that magic is happening inside my belly. Im going to rest my soul…. and try to believe in small miracles.