A Positive Day

Today is a positive day.  Im hopeful and excited. Im imagining all of the moments that will be the happiest of my life: finding out Im pregnant, telling my husband, holding my child for the first time, seeing my parents with my child and most of all- -being  our own family. The nurse told me today I have “a lot” of follicles and that I should come back for another ultrasound tomorrow morning. She said they might want to pull the trigger early (take injection that forces ovulation) to reduce the chance of multiples. So there is a chance this could really actually happen?!

Two months on Clomid  with no results had crushed my hopes. Ive been feeling depressed and this stronger hormone medication has only made it worse. Im afraid that this agonizing process will go on forever and/or that I really am truly not able to get pregnant. I dont know how I will handle seeing 5 of my friends have babies this fall if I still am unsuccessful. This past week has been the roughest yet.Ive been saying “fuck it” to eating healthy and exercising and have put on a few pounds. Ive been laying down each night so that my husband can give me my injection of hormones, and a couple nights I just laid there and cried. My husband wants this as much as I do and we have prayed together asking god for this blessing. But what is possibly even sadder, each month that Ive gotten a negative result, I can see that his heart breaks only for me.

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